by Elizabeth Pantley, author of Kid Cooperation and Perfect
Parenting
Teaching
Good Manners
Good manners are a very
important key to your child's social success, but no child is born with
good manners. Teaching them is a parents responsibility.
Beyond teaching "please" and
"thank you" many parents aren't sure how to teach their child good manners.
Teaching a child what behavior is expected is a daily process, and you'll
have many opportunities each day to nudge your child in the right direction.
Keep these points in mind:
- Teach, don't reprimand.
- Its easy to assume that
your child is purposely using bad manners, when in fact, he just needs
a lesson or two. Be specific when you teach your child, and remember
that many follow-up lessons will be necessary. So instead of saying,
"Don't be so rude!" you can respond this
way, "It's impolite to belch at the table, but if you
do, it's proper to say 'excuse me'."
-
Rephrase.
- When your child states
her feelings in a less-than-polite way, you can rephrase what she's
already said in the
way you find acceptable. So if she says, "Yuck! I hate
this green stuff." You can politely correct her by saying,
"What I'd like to hear you
say is, I don't care for spinach'."
-
Tell what you DO want.
- When your child is displaying
bad manners avoid nagging about the problem, "Don't yell in
the house!" Instead, teach what you DO want "Please
use a quiet voice." This method will keep you more calm and
in control, and will give your child an instruction to follow.
Accept mistakes.- When kids are young they
will spill and drop. It takes time to acquire the motor skills necessary
to be neat and tidy. Children will make social blunders. It takes maturity
to learn how to act in social situations. Accept ageappropriate mistakes
for what they are: simple childishness.
Correct privately.- As annoying as your child's
lack of manners may be, resist the urge to reprimand him in front of
other people. Making a scene as you attempt to teach your child proper
manners, is, well, bad manners!
Prepare in advance.- Whether you are planning
a visit to a friend's home, a night out at the movies or dinner at a
restaurant, take time before you
go to coach your child on the behavior you expect. Review
the "rules" of good manners and you'll more likely experience a pleasant
time.
Expect good manners.- When you know your child
has learned the proper way to behave its important to expect those good
manners. For example, if you've reminded your six-year-old to say 'please'
and 'thank-you' since he was two, you should expect him to apply what
he's learned. Be consistent. Require good manners every day. Remind
gently. And over time you'll find your children turning into proper
ladies and gentlemen.
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